Investigators are still tight-lipped about the discovery, but have disclosed that the alleged owner of what they have called a "guitar arsenal," Huntington Majors, told them that "delusions of grandeur" are responsible for the collection of six-string sonic weapons that he has amassed beneath the sidewalks of this rundown section of South Brooklyn waterfront.

Police became involved when rumblings from beneath the sidewalk frightened area residents who told strange tales of a long-haired "guitar devil man" who lived underground, causing the racket. When investigators tried to use explosive-sniffing dogs to seek out the felon's lair, the dogs began to howl all over the neighborhood, as eeriie, wailing guitar riffs emerged from somewhere underground. As the dogs ran off, one of the police remarked, "I got a feelin' 'bout the future, and you know it ain't too good."

Two stories under what police believed to be a vacant factory building, they discovered the source of the otherworldly chorus of earsplitting noise: in what a police spokesperson called a "concrete bunker," Majors, body contorted in a bizarre posture, was playing an electric guitar with his teeth!

The matter is still under investigation as the mountain of evidence is being sorted through by law enforcement experts. "What might have happened if we hadn't caught this guy in time," one of them told this reporter, "is anybody's guess. I'm just relieved we did."

More at: http://www.mp3.com.au/huntingtonmajors

"Fuck the media and its dog and pony shows," Majors told reporters who found him outside a second-hand record store on Charing Cross Road. "I might have delusions of grandeur, but who's more delusional, me or media honchos who want to shove musical mediocrities down your throat until you barf?" As a crowd gathered, Majors swore that he had done nothing wrong by riffing away on his axe with wah-wah blazing, distortion wailing and amplifiers cranked to the maximum possible output levels. "I might be loud, but at least I'm real," said Majors before a sudden light from heaven broke up the crowd.

No, the world's Fleet-fingered Meister of Strums (as some have dubbed him) hasn't been dirt-biking or snorkeling. On the contrary, if Majors can be believed, the rocker has been taking his chances against venomous snakes, the deadly tails of stringrays and the fistical prowess of kangaroos, to name but a few of the wild animals Majors claims to have encountered in the Australian bush and coastal reefs.

"It's all about guitar playing, really," Majors explained, as he signed copies of his new CD "Delusions of Grandeur" before a crowd of disreputable-looking rockers. "There's all kinds of ways to practice, but the main thing is to keep your hands and fingers supple. I find that dodging these deadly animals keeps me reflexes sharp, and that's good for me playing."

Asked if he wasn't taking guitar practice just a little too far, Majors asked if anyone had brought along a suitably dangerous pet. Surprisingly, two members of the crowd just happened to be in the possesion of poisonous snakes. One produced a hooded spitting cobra from a wicker basket, and another offered a lethally poisonous Texas diamondback rattler from a burlap bag.

Majors astonished the crowd, not by antagonizing the creatures, as many had feared, but by producing an electric guitar, plugging it into a portable amplifier and commencing to play an incredible sequence of hard rock riffing up and down the neck while holding the guitar up to his face and picking the strings with his teeth! Even more astonishing was the effect of the electric rock guitar on the the two deadly serpents which both promptly began to twitch and gyrate their sinuous bodies as if either trying to dance to the rather deafening guitar playing or writhing in uncontrollable pain.

Majors, as usual, had the last word.

"This proves that heavy riffing sooths the savage breast, so you can shove Mozart and the rest of those classical fuckers," he commented.